100%

I’ve been busy helping out with the school Christmas concert on the 20th and we are making progress. The children are improving and fairly well behaved. I totally lost my cool on Friday; I guess my stress tolerance level is quite low. I don’t know how our teachers, James and Stanley can do it; I definitely appreciate them more today.

I’ve always loved drama and I enjoy lending a hand. I’ve had to learn how to make a person look old with makeup, and the experience has been great. My house has been in ‘just keep it looking nice’ mode for a week, and I know that I have to be where there is a need, use the talents that I have, and give it my all, even if the next person doesn’t.

I do wonder why I should though.

…Is it because I want to be a good example?

…want to impress a person or group of people?

…be thought well of?

…show off?

…want praise?

…want the good feeling I get from it?

…imitate someone?

...or just because I enjoy it?

...All the wrong reasons.

Ananias and Sephira gave a lot, but then tried to deceive God and the disciples into thinking it was their all. Their punishment is what I want to avoid. So why should I do good deeds? Why should I give whatever I choose to give? I did promise at my baptism to give 100%...and I must have done that out of love and gratefulness for what I have been given on the cross. Is this still my main motivation for what I do? Is it love that pushes me on to give more?

Nobody can ask for more than what I give, if I want to give 20% it will be accepted, if I want to give 50% so be it. If I want to give 150% and bleed out my last drop, that is between me and God.

Can I give more? I know that some things, like cooking, (don’t get me started on that) demand my all and it may not be my cup of tea, special gift, or something that I can accomplish. Do I still have to give my all? What if my all is just shorter than the next person’s? Can I just say that I’m doing my personal best? What is my personal best? Whatever God lies on my heart?

He is the one who made us all with our unique qualities, talents, gifts. He will know what to ask for. He did ask that we do all we do out of love, and went so far as to say that if there is no love, we shouldn't bother.

Well, no wonder my soul searching always brings me back to this one theme: Love your neighbor as yourself. If I’m going to be understanding and even a bit lenient with myself I should be cutting my brother some slack to.

In other news: I’ve almost finished my second cassette; it’s got only bible stories on it. I just didn’t get inspired to do any others. I’m planning to have it ready to be sold after Christmas.

Judas has been bringing home some words from school to learn and knows them so well that we can’t even trick him anymore. He needs to be read to 5 min. a day and that is a pleasure. He has already got one pizza ticket.