Too Fast

Judas turned five just last week and has graduated from preschool. We had a party for him and the 'klanna' school grandma got the honor of taking him into the children's dining room. We're so proud of him, but the part that made my eyes water was when the grandmas told me how much they will miss him.

100 things about 5 year old Judas Baer Kleinsasser.
1. Judas can spend hours playing quietly and alone with his little cars.
2. Judas loves to imitate his Dad.
3. Judas is a very sensitive person.
4. Judas enjoys collecting warms after the rain.
5. Judas likes to shower with his Dad.
6. Judas bats like a pro.
7. Judas loves sitting at the wheel with his Dad and steering home.
8. Judas enjoys cake and cream type desserts.
9. His favorite food is corn and knaddle.
10. Judas plays baseball with the older children.
11. Judas only cries when he is hurt badly or vary tired.
12. Judas is a big help to the ‘klanna’ school grandmas and they say they will miss him.
13. Judas’ best friends are Grace and Israel.
14. Judas loves playing in the snow.
15. Judas has a good since of humor.
16. Judas can catch a ball with ease.
17. Judas’ back name is from his mom’s side of the family.
18. Judas looks like his dad.
19. Judas likes watching himself in the mirror.
20. Judas can make a sommersault on the trampoline.
21. Judas can sing and is not shy when singing at the kitchen with the other kids.
22. Judas likes it when people watch him.
23. Judas waves at people.
24. Judas will answer when a stranger speaks to him.
25. Judas doesn’t mind his suspenders.
26. Judas is a considerate fellow and thinks of others.
27. Judas likes climbing trees.
28. Judas understands English but wants his stories in Hutterite.
29. Judas has many friends.
30. Judas loves having a marshmallow roast.
31. Judas can take disappointments well.
32. Judas seems to have enough self-esteem.
33. Judas understands which foods are healthy.
34. Judas has a good imagination.
35. Judas obeys his parents most of the time.
36. Judas loves watching videos, even the clips on computer.
37. Judas drinks a lot of water and a hardly any juice.
38. Judas slept in the room across from his parent’s in a tent for a month.
39. Judas can count to ther-ty-teen correctly.
40. Judas can write his name with help.
41. Judas can add two and two.
42. Judas can swim with a life jacket.
43. Judas is pretty careful and cautious.
44. Judas enjoys comic books.
45. Judas loves bible stories.
46. Judas never picks a fight or agitates others.
47. Judas can tell a long story.
48. Judas started rollerblading before he was two and has enjoyed it ever since.
49. Judas has had two bee stings in his life.
50. Judas respects older people.
51. Judas thinks board games like Trouble and Checkers are fun.
52. Judas likes to pick his nose.
53. Judas has mastered his relationship manners.
54. Judas likes to colour with someone.
54. Judas loves a ride with heavy equipment.
55. Judas helps his mom gather butterfly worms.
56. Judas loves ‘klanna’ school.
57. Judas needs lots of hugs and praise.
58. Judas recognizes numbers.
59. Judas knows a lot of colors and loves playing ‘I spy, I spy.’
60. Judas’ favourite color was blue but is now red and he also likes green.
61. Judas is kind to others.
62. Judas has too many toys and wants more.
63. Judas loves being babysat by Audrey and Joni.
64. Judas loves helping his dad at the turkey barn.
65. Judas gets a great kick out of playing with his fathers whoopee cushion.
66. Judas prays in a grateful way.
67. Judas’ smile lights up his whole face.
68. Judas laughs easily and catches a joke pretty fast.
69. Judas likes dogs.
70. Judas can write pretend letters to people.
71. Judas was born on the longest day of the year.
72. Judas enjoys laughing at his younger brother.
73. Judas doesn’t like naps.
74. Judas is entertained by books.
75. Judas has had tree grandfathers and five grandmothers.
76. Judas now has three grandfathers and tree grandmothers.
77. Judas knows a few prayers by heart.
78. Judas loves skating and playing hockey either on ice or on the floor.
79. Judas likes French fries.
80. Judas is a little bit shy around strangers.
81. Judas never curses or swears or calls people names.
82. Judas likes to eat a lot of junk food and does not prefer fruits.
83. Judas is everybody’s sweetheart.
84. Judas is a good sport.
85. Judas is a chatterbox.
86. Judas minds his own business.
87. Judas loves to wrestle and be tickled.
88. Judas can share his toys with Hans but would rather play by himself.
89. Judas doesn’t become loud and obnoxious when we have visitors.
90. Judas is ---------tall, and weighs 40 pounds.
91. He has had ear ache, whooping cough, chicken ‘pops,’ and stepped into a rusty nail.
92. He loves listening to his grandma and Victor tell stories on tape.
93. Judas likes all his babysitters and ‘klann’ school grandmas.
94. Judas says that Jesus lives in his heart and he loves to pray in there too.
95. Judas spends a lot of time at Aunt Melinda’s house with his cousins.
96. Judas wants to know why.
97. Judas has patience and can wait with ease.
98. Judas has learned to use buttons and zippers.
99. Judas will remember and tell us what he dreamed.
100. Judas is a gift from God.


The struggle of the week has been to try to keep positive, why does it take so much effort to see the good? I'd love it if you could just inherit a positive outlook, but noooo, it has to be cultivated. It's easy to slid into the habit of the half empty glass, and I guess it's a personal choice of what you want to see. My rose colored glasses aren't always reality ether but they sure keep me hopeful and happier and the energy exerted to ware them is well worth it.



Speaking of keeping positive and grateful, we watched a couple tornadoes tare across our sky, and one touched down just four miles from the colony. We were already gathering in the kitchen basement like we do in some of my worst nightmares. Judas was so scared you could hardly pry his hands apart because he was praying. We prayed together for our safty and that we could rest our fears and stayed in the basement just to miss all the action. He kept asking me to sing and it really helped drown out the sound of the wind but he was comforted by it.

Gardens and Butterflies

Well, Welcome back my dear butterflies!! They are all over and around my house now, enjoying my garden as I am. It's great to see them again.

I just got my garden planted this week and am enjoying it's color and eagerly anticipating more of the same. There is hardly a bare spot in it, but I wouldn't mind more perennials because an annual is a little costly, and I want it much cozier than it was last year. Last year was terrible here on the farm in our gardens, either it was because they dug in a salt water line to water them, or it may have been the soil. Someone got us a load of soil off the land that had already been treated and planted. In any case, almost all of us had bad luck.

I'm really missing my pond of former years. We put our gold fish out last year during the summer months but Rodney and I can't quite agree on what a pond should be. He wants the water so clean that you can see and enjoy the fish, and I 'd like to fill it with plants. We can't have both; our 04, 05, pond was much nicer but we didn't have any fish at that time.

Today I administered an onion on a bee sting. Judas came in crying during nap time and it's amazing what goes through a mother's mind before she can see what actually happened. He was just screaming and I had to remove the stinger without letting any more of the venom get into him. The onion did a fine job of keeping it from swelling and pulling out the little that had gotten in. I could see it getting white and swollen around the sting already and about 10 min. after applying a slice of onion it was all better. I was thankful that a few of his girlfriends came in with him to keep him well destructed while it was healing.

Last week Judas stepped into a rusty nail and we really took it seriously. We've been soaking his foot in salt water everyday and applying a ointment that keeps it clean, but we are not safe yet. The incubation period for tetanus is two weeks, but the area looks very good already. He's been literally eating dirt since he's been old enough to grab it and should be immune by now.

I can't say that I'm not scared because there was one night that I could hardly sleep. I watched my little angel sleep to make sure he wasn't having any spasms of any kind. I read some scripture and prayed and listened again to Dr. Heroet's lecture to remind me why we made the decision not to vaccinate in the first place. The fear factor is usually no problem for me because I'm used to facing up to them and conquering. I could let myself get into a frenzy every time Rodney leaves the house too, thinking this may be the last time I will see him, but sitting around and obsessing about it will not serve to improve the quality of life. When something happens we'll deal with it. I can tell you, I've never been so happy to hear those annoying noises that little boys like to make with their mouths. Swishing spit, and blowing air out or their lips in all kinds of ways, means that he doesn't have lockjaw and his respiratory system is doing just fine.

I guess I've been thinking a lot this week about how 'fearfully and wonderfully' we've been made, with the body's God given ability to heal, clean and build. Also how fragile our earth is, I mean, just move the sun 1% closer or further away from the earth and all life will die. The same goes for the moon, and try raising the temperature of the water a few degrees, or mess it up a bit more and you are in trouble. Remove a measly eight inches of topsoil and we lose the plants that use the sun's energy to make food. It is God who sustains us, cares for us and gives us His word that we are safe in His keeping. Where was I when He made the firefly? Is anything to hard for Him? The wind, the earth, water and fire obey His every command.

My sweetheart has been flying a remote control airplane the last few moths with his brother Stanley. Yesterday they crashed into a tree for only the third time, and today they had to get the forklift to get it down, and I got some nice pictures of the kids watching. The girls are my sister Melinda's and the little boy is Hans. We get together in the evenings when there is hardly any wind to watch them fly. Its a nice and relaxing thing to do with the kids and the daddy's enjoyed many an evening working on it.

I Believe

Last weekend was spent in Crystal Springs at their baptism. There were six young people who committed themselves. I now understand how a three hour sermon can seem like a few minutes.

We were all reminded of the promises we once made ourselves, and of what we believe in. Here is my creed #2 of the new millennium:

I don’t believe in ‘once saved always saved,’
But I believe in a God who saves through His son Jesus Christ.

I don’t believe in ‘speaking in tongues,’
But I believe in a God who speaks the ultimate truth and spoke the world into existence.

I don’t believe in ‘faith healing,’
But I have faith in a God who heals and is the greatest physician that ever lived.

I don’t believe in or have faith in myself,
But I believe I was created to serve the Lord as all His wondrous creations were.

Thankfulness

This week turned out to be a shocker for the whole colony, we lost Ruben, one of our own, in a sudden heartbeat gone bad. Sunday was his sister Clara's birthday, and we sang and wished her a happy one, no one dreaming what would take place that day. Some of the younger girls even sent her well wishes and a song on the Sunday Request Show for fun.

My emotions were kind of mixed all week, should I be glad he didn't and doesn't have to suffer anymore, or sad that he is gone and will be missed by all? He was the colony's one man clean-up crew, carrying trash and slop to the dump. He had some challenges but a character that made this place more interesting and alive.

Jake Vetter from Oakbluff held the sermon and challenged us to be ready at all times to meet the Lord. He talked about the frailty of life and reminded us to clean up our relationships. Is there one person with who we would need to talk to if we knew we were going to die today?

My personal challenge is about the One who took away my garbage and my stinking, roting sins. How much do I love Him? Jesus was also humble, simple, and a servant to all. Do I love Him only because of what He did for me? Sure, I was thankful to Ruben for what he did for me, and said it to him a few times, but doesn't God want more than thanks? Doesn't He want all my life and love to be poured out for others as His was? He was a servant washing feet, much like Ruben, and said that if we want to be great in the kingdom of heaven be the slave. How often do we leave the dirty work for someone else?

I just love songs about heaven, I think that they are fast becoming my favorites. It is a pleasure trying to imagine how it will be there, not the beauty, I can't begin to see that, but just deleting earthly things like dust, sweat, temptation, pain, sickness, burdens and cares. No one will want to shut me up there for singing praises to God too loudly. I do have much to be thankful for, and we are always complaining to God at church how no mouth or tough can praise Him enough. Well, there is the praise of a quiet heart, but then, what your heart is full of comes out by the mouth.

I should post this ironic poem that I wrote many, many years ago. Why is crying the only socially acceptable thing to do when you are overjoyed? I am so thankful at times that all I can do is weep, just look at what I have been given. My husband, my two little angels, a home, food to overflow, clothes, my health, friends, help, and those are only the physical blessings, look at what God has done, called me his own child, saved me, washed me from my sins, showed me mercy and grace that I can't seem to ever deserve no matter how hard I try. I guess I've always been a very expressive person, so here it is.

Joy
I can’t clap my hands and I can’t dance
My song and my holler are much too loud
No laughing, no leaping, no raising my hands
Oh, what shall I do, but sit down and weep
For happiness

Wedding

Last week on Sunday I was invited to Odanah to the engagement party of my dear friend Rachel to her beloved Lowell. They will be married on Sunday.

I was so tickled and honoured to be there to witness this blessed occasion that my feet haven't touched the floor all week yet. I've actually been wearing blue all week to commemorate and to celebrate their wedding. Usually after a trip I come home with a big hangover, but not so this time, I'm actually refreshed and up-lifted. I also saw many sweet people that I haven't seen for way too long.

Just feeling the thrill of it made me consider that we have all been invited to a very important event in the history of the world. God has called each one of us to attend His wedding to His bride the church. He longs for her as much as any lover does his loved one, and has asked everyone to come. That should make me feel awed too, and inspired to get the invitation out if anything should. I have accepted the invitation and committed myself in baptism to be there. I have been fitted in His righteousness, the wedding dress I plan to wear, because that's the only spotless one I can find. Hence, my daily struggle to be dead to sin, and not let the members of my body be used to serve the devil and his kingdom.

I was also struck again by how much our marriage relationship reflects the relationship of God and his church. I know from my own marriage how Rodney at times has looked at me with pity, mercy and great great love, and that is how God looks at his church and has provided her with salvation. I have had to look to Rodney for help, wisdom, and strength, and yes, even salvation when things have gotten tough, and that is how a church turns to God sincerely in prayer.

I know from having had a few breakdowns how Rodney helped to keep me whole, and saved me from falling to peaces. He never mocked me or shamed or insulted me, he just served me tenderly as if I was the queen of Sheba. Today I can walk with confidence, intact, with my head up because of this great love. He was the example of God's love for us. This kind of love is not just for some of us, it is for all of us. Whenever we feel lonely, rejected, or lost, He is just waiting to bless us, to hold us, and to see to all our needs. He knows what they are far better than we do ourselves. This is a great gift of love that we have been given; not to be taken lightly, it flows from Him through us and ever outward to touch lives and change hearts.


I painted this just before Judas was born in June 02. Rodney and I saw a beautiful sunset between the trees and rushed out in the wind to get a better view. Standing there is it's splendor we talked about how our life will never be the same again and that the beautiful honeymoon years were over. Like the sunset, that day really was the end of something beautiful and the start of a new special day or chapter in our life together. We were about to become parents and much happened in the following years to give us a stronger and more meaningful relationship.

Relationships

"Mom, can I keep these in the fridge until summer?" Judas calls from the hallway after slamming the door.

He has produced a sandbox pail of warms. "No Honey, they are going to crawl into our milk and our bread and...well, just kidding, but they might not like being cold, and they'll die before summer comes."

"OK," He answers, and that's the last I hear of the worms until it is discovered that they have spent a number of nights sleeping with him under his bed.

There is a wonderful book I'd like to recommend to all mothers, Worms in my tea. I'll post it as soon as I can find out who wrote it, but I have since passed it on to a few other moms who have busted their sides rolling with laughter. It's about the daily grind of being a mother, very funny!

My sister was just here for almost a week during the time Waylon from Neuhof got his wish to go home to be with the Lord. For those of you who don't know about Waylon, he had a two year struggle with cancer and nobody wanted to trade places with him when the time came to remove one of his legs, but later everyone wanted to be in his shoe when he told everyone "I'm going home." He just lifted up his arms and left. He had said that he doesn't want to have anything more to do with the things in this world. So we were discussing this balance between us living here and having to keep things clean and nice and not letting everything get into a sloppy mess. We were wondering where we cross the line, when do we simply have too much earthly preoccupation? The things Waylon had admonished us about were forgiveness, bitterness, grudges and more relationship based ideas.

So that may just be the line we are not to cross. We should have a look at ourselves and ask if our priority is our earthly work instead of our relationships? Is my house cleaner than my kids conscience? Does raking my lawn come before fixing that little trust issue with my sister? Am I too busy to talk with someone who really needs an ear? Have I got an extra minute to be polite? Is my dress more beautiful than my spirit? Do we come to an agreement if my brother thinks something should be done this way and I think it should be done that way?

Living together in community is not easy at all, maybe we should feel privileged to be on the colony with the people we live with. To be able to touch each other in such a unique way, bringing joy to the children, support to the strong, help to the weak, company to the old, and a light to our youth. Holding these up as our ideal and striving toward it with our ever failing humanity sure helps.

Relationships are also our best indication of how much we love God. He said that whoever says he loves Me, but hates his brother, is a lier. So in effect, we only love God as much as the person we love the least.

Let it Burn

Rodney has a new sweetheart; her name is Tigah, and she does not like me at all. She is two years old and seems to be trained to pull a sled. I just have to control the urge to scream when I peek out the back door and see my beautiful sun-bleached cement porch looking like someone varnished it. I guess for now she still needs to be tied up until Rodney can trust her not to run off. She is going to be moved shortly, but the real nice part is that pets are good for longevity. So I grin and bear it.

I just finished reading Dr. Laura’s The Ten Commandments, the Significance of God’s Laws in Everyday life, and as always, she has inspired me and made me think deeper, and higher, and wider. I was especially motivated by her comments on the tenth commandment, being satisfied with what I have and accepting the challenge to find or create meaning in my life. It’s so easy to be happy because of our enjoyments and possessions, but finding a purpose is sometimes quite challenging. The following poem kind of ‘grew’ out of these thoughts.


You See

If today I passed a stranger
And smiled a friendly smile
Or spoke a kindly word or two
I may have made his day
Or made the world a brighter place

If today I sat beside you
To talk, or laugh, or cry,
Or just listened to your heart
I may have lifted a burden
Or carried it for you

If today I am a mother
With husband, child, and home
Or sibling, in a family
I may have found a purpose
I may have found my own

If today I wiped a teardrop
Or hugged, or kissed someone
Or held a hand or shook it
I may have touched an angel
I may have blessed someone

If today I saw a rainbow
A rose, a fallen leaf
Or caught a glimpse of sunrise
I may have seen The Lord of All
I may have seen His face.

If today I read the word of God
Or breathed a prayer, or sang a song
Or served another with my hands
Then I have worshiped in His temple
And walked on holy ground.

-Nelda Baer


I talked with a dear friend the other day about how complicated and hard life is at times compared to faith. Faith is quite the opposite, and Jesus uses the faith of a child as His prime example of how simple it really is. So I don’t have to be very smart, educated, or wise of this world to have great faith, in fact, I can be rather foolish according to the world’s standards. (1 Cor.1) All I have to do is look at how much my two boys trust me to help, be there, and heal, to see what childlike faith and humility I am to have towards my Father in Heaven.

Rodney and I have just been to Glenway at the funeral of his Aunt; it is a treasure to me that I had the privilege of knowing and loving her. She has given me a real good example of forbearance and patience in much suffering, and a focus on the things that are really important in life. I never heard her complain, or sink into self-pity. She reminded me of a soldier, bravely fighting and holding up the torch. If this light can burn on in my own life, and I can pass it on to my children, and they to theirs, it can burn for eternity.

That's another of the things Dr. Laura talks about in her book, that we parents are the link between God and the next generation. The first 4 commandments have to do with our relationship with God; then there is the one about honouring your parents, and the next 5 are about our relationships with each other. She says there is a special reason for this line-up. Back in Jewish history the parents were admonished again and again by God to tell their children the wonders He preformed, tell them how you were rescued from the hand of Pharaoh, tell them why you are holding this feast. I think it even became a yearly tradition for the oldest son to ask the Father why they are calibrating things like the Passover. Since we also have been rescued from the power of the evil one and Easter and a baptism are coming up in the next few weeks, it is a good time to think of passing on this light of faith to our children.

A missionary from Morocco sent me this wonderfully inspiring quote about that light. Wow! Thanks so much Vicki!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
-Marianne Williamson